Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Chapter 1: Of Mice and Myopic Macro-vascular Low Wavelength Laser Surgery

I can see from the fact that you are still reading this that the title of this chapter has piqued your interest. This, however is nothing but a ruse. It should be well acknowledged by now that this document will be much more likely to delve into studies of the increasing curiosity of the clinically insane than discussing the moral aptitude of sound medical practice. Any such truly scientific dilemmas may or may not be addressed at the point that is generally referred to as the “future”. This designation being designed to differentiate such “times” as separate and nearly completely unrelated to the “present” or “now” and the “past” or pre-QSP (pre-Quasi-Scientific Ponderings) realms of “reality”.

As far as the pre-QSP era is concerned, do such portions of the space time continuum actually exist? Is there a reliable way to discern whether or not history can have happened without such a pristine nearly comprehensible document such as this to having recorded them for posterity? What about the rumors of the alleged Pink Elephant war? Now that the original manuscript has been lost for all eternity, what is the status of such an occurrence? Can man’s memory be trusted? Did this strife between Day and Night happen? And how does it relate to honeybees?

These are the questions that revolve around the empty skulls of those who have gone before and are still going now and soon will be completely gone again. We will all eventually go with them. To where, you may ask? That is a good question.

The extent that the reprehensible commencement extends extemporaneously bends that which was meant for men. From whence it went then no women can send an event. These triads will buy the guys from my side and spy on the sly mile until their will kills this fickle filled hill and spills the bill as such:

And thence from the land of doctor Seuss
Where the hole meets the electric goose
There will you find the red spruce
And attempt to avoid the fatal noose.

These few staves however have been said to bring about localized destruction of cataclysmic proportions to all who utter them with their minds voice. This occurrence has not been documented yet because all of the testing panels have mysteriously met with extreme peril wiping out any records of destruction following any tests that were performed against this curse. Truly scientific sounding people have assured the pleasantly ignorant public that these situations are merely an unfortunate coincidence that has occurred with what should not be considered an alarming regularity. That and the fact that there is a small Atlantic island that has NEVER had a hurricane directly hit the island, and they have the records to prove it dating back 5 years since the hall of records accidentally blew away.

This naturally brings us back to the age-old question of which came first, the egg, or the omelet. It is the firm belief by the author(s) of this digital whitepaper that the omelet must have come first. If no omelet had ever been had by any living creature then who would have ever found themselves to be inspired enough to make an egg? The situation probably went like so:
· Ogg: grunt (I’m hungry)
· Grog: Grunt-Gr (I am feeling a little desire for food as well)
· Ogg: Grr-Unt-Ug (What say you to the proposition of having another one of those delectable omelets that we had yesterday?
· Grog: Ug-Grr (Those were delicious, I feel however that they may have been lacking one crucial taste that I cannot seem to place.
· Ogg: Grr-Grunt-ug-ug-Grunt (Maybe we should make the omelet out of something else, something that we have never had before. Something completely new and interesting that will place us into the future history books. We should use an Egg!)
· Grog: Grunt-unt-ug-Grr-RRrr-gru-unt-Grr-ug-UG-ug-Grunt-GRRRRR-Grunt-grug-Ug (What’s an egg?)
· Ogg: Grunt-Grr (I have no idea. Why don’t we squeeze this chicken over here and eat the first thing that comes out of it?)

And so from that day forward Eggs have been the item of choice to make omelets from and all information was lost prior to that time since these cave-dwelling geniuses lived on a remote island in the middle of the tropical Atlantic and their cave drawings seem to have mysteriously been blown off the cave walls. Furthermore they never realized their dream of making it into the future history books of the present and past because no one could ever understand what they were saying (they could barely understand each other).

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