Sunday, March 26, 2006

Chapter 10: The Overabundance of Nothing

One thing that you may have noticed about the universe is that it is made up of vast quantities of nothing. There are great voids of space that surround everything that we know and merely serve no purpose other that to make intra-galactic transportation rather difficult. This is really just a misinterpretation of the presented evidence however. What we perceive as “Nothing “ is in fact a certain form of “Something” that merely presents itself as a lack of anything and everything. This something is really prevalent in all areas of space down past the molecular level, even filling the so-called void between sub-atomic particles. Currently it is perceived as nothing in the same way that medieval magicians and alchemists thought a hole in the ground or an empty pocket had nothing in it. Now, even the marginally educated among us will readily acknowledge that that emptiness is merely a misnomer for something that is filled completely (nay even to overflowing) with a rich nitrogen/ oxygen mixture (on at least one third of the inhabited planets in the known universe). What the HSC has discovered is that the previous notion of nothingness is actually an overabundance of a substance nearly alike in composition to grape jelly that has been knocked slightly out of sync with normal matter rendering it impossible to detect with all scientific instruments of Earth today.

This substance has been properly named Xlorblsk (pronounced “chime”) by a Mr. Slobodan Vilczevski, a fantastic research scientist of the Higher Scientific Community with a terrible sense of humor. His thought was that since he never learned to spell his own name properly in school he would attempt to inflict the same affliction upon all who study his work by naming any and every discovery something horribly unspellable and illogically pronounced. His discoveries to date include such fantastic mainstays of daily society as the qwylrbnz (pronounced "dribley") which is the force that governs the reaction between quantum particles greater than 72 Billion light years apart, and kjnpaaaaagd (pronounced "kweeden") which is the real reason behind a yawn.

Xlorblsk is a byproduct of the excrement of the Zoobian Sun Worm when combined with a certain Norwegian ale m by a 300 lb. barmaid named Gretchen. The resulting explosion of thermodynamic fluid was so substantial that it caused the ensuing product to lose it’s molecular cohesion to standard reality and phase shift just out of synch with standard matter enough to place it beyond the standard detection of everyday science. The strange thing is that the Phase shift happened so instantaneously that the explosion and expansion went nearly completely unnoticed except for the missing vat of ale and the interminable giddiness that Gretchen felt for facilitating such a grandiose scale scientific creation (though she never could explain the feeling not having witnessed the actual product of the unknown experiment).


roystonjm said...

Should I believe all of your information, just part of it, or none of it? I have been known to be somewhat gullible at times.

David Sagus said...

We at the QSP headquarters have taken great care to present information to you that has been deemed reliable by the greater portion of lesser known members of the Higher Scientific Community stationed within the North Western Quadrisphere of the third planetial mass distant from the star known as Sol.

As such we must leave the interpretation of the evidence to you, our enlightened reader.