Thursday, October 04, 2007

Chapter 35: The End of the World

It is generally assumed at present that the end of the world will be an event, an explosion of magnificent proportions. In fact, many scientists are greatly dismayed because such grandiose scale will inherently preclude their ability to witness, record, postulate, and ruminate. This is all very amusing because it wasn’t all that many centuries ago that it was known as absolute fact that the end of the world was merely a location; the physical border between the land and the nothing where the seas rushed into the void in an eternal flush of cosmic magnitude. The similarity between these theorems is that the world (actually any world) is a static shape, either round or flat. This is, most regrettably, not the case. To accurately portray the world (actually any world), you must think more along the lines of a cassette tape. “Why then, when we view our world (actually any world), do we see a sphere instead of a long ribbon stretching through space?” This is a result of a quirk of tesserectian physics where the ribbon of our world (actually any world) intersects with our plane of existence in what we view as a sphere. We are, in a matter of speaking, a part of the player head for this galactic tape. Every 24 hours you actually find yourself dumped from your current location onto an identical appearing place exactly 24,901.55 miles West of your location (varying by latitude) to an identical appearing point of tape. This does explain however why it is so easy to misplace your keys. Thus you see the end of the world (actually any world) is neither an event nor a location, but rather an occurrence where the tape reaches a conclusion.

Rest assured avid reader. Our fair world (actually any world) will not cease to exist with the running out of tape for the citizens of the 22nd dimension who are the caretakers of the universes tape players have been kindly rewinding the tapes and re-starting them since the beginning of time. Thus is the proof behind our oft-quoted colloquialism: History is doomed to repeat itself. However, it also is true that the future is also doomed to repeat itself, at least until the tapes wear out.

It is well known (and previously discussed) that the higher the dimension a race of creatures inhabits, the more ill tempered it inherently is. One of the rare exceptions to this rule is the race of self-aware congealed thought in the 22nd dimension who are the operators of the galactic tape players. These beings have befriended us because of the role that the GDPC (Galactic Disaster Preparedness Committee) had in saving them from a full-scale invasion by the Largely Grumpy Sea-Bass of the 23rd and ½ dimension. It was never admitted to these galactic caretakers that the Sea-Bass were sent to the 22nd dimension by the GDPC to escape extinction through excessive sport fishing by the Bluborkian Snuffle-traders.*

*The Bluborkian Snuffle-traders were advised to take up Largely Grumpy Sea-Bass 23.5 fishing by the GDPC to alleviate the violence begetting boredom that occurred when the people of Thorocon IV stopped purchasing Snuffle pelts at the request of the GDPC since it was inciting protest riots in the Qweezle sector. The people of the Qweezle sector were rioting about the Snuffle pelts because it was overexploiting their supply of Snuffles used for food ever since the Solar dust storms from the Horsehead nebula explosion wiped out the similar tasting Snargles. All in all it wasn’t one of the GDPC’s better runs.

1 comment:

Ted M. Gossard said...

Profound, instructive, illuminating, unbelievable in its scope. Penetrating to the core. This is good stuff, David. Keep up the good work!