Thursday, September 13, 2007

Chapter 34: AFK

While recently away from my keyboard attempting to acquire a fine cup of hot green tea (which, incidentally, originated in Quadrant V) my workstation was assailed by what can only be called beings of immense intelligence from the far reaches of Space and Time. When I returned from my quest to find tea the following message was displayed on my monitor (it should be noted that this is an unaltered reproduction of said document, if you are able to translate the document in whole or in part please contact your local HSC™ representative promptly and with much gusto).

lol i leik teh quasi scintfic pondrings maybe for u shuld rite abot teh dimenshun of teh intarwebz lol in that dimshun thar wil b other monsters and creshurs lol i have a computer box at teh home but it is the sux0rz lol!!!!11!111!!!!one!!11 when i get teh new 1 tehn i can play teh gamez wif teh grafix up to the high setting!!!1! i think u shuld rite about me in teh next issue of qsp lol,,, i can beat Spiner Mcblamm at his own games of teh universe. lol

Now, this document can mean only 7.2 of 4 things:

1. The universe as we know it is in dire peril.
2. The universe as we know it is not in dire peril.
3. Sometimes tea can be too hot.
©. The being that wrote the document is testing our strength and guile.

If for some reason the universe is in fact in dire peril then you will receive a message saying as much from the Meta-Ariwaves broadcasting from the HSC headquarters. Of course, it is a well-known fact that the only way to hear a message transmitted on Meta-Airwaves is to cover oneself with the month of July and eat 5.4 Words of Digression. While this may at first seem theoretically, physically, technically, and vocationally impossible, rest assured that the HSC is almost hard at work creating something that may or may not be just what you thought you were looking for in the first place. Once such a device has been created (yet remain unnamed due to the limitations of all known language to describe a machine that could invariably vary the very core of our existence) you will be notified at the proper time using proper methods (paying particularly close attention to Article V Section 2 of the handbook of untimely notifications).

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