Thursday, August 10, 2006

Chapter 19: The Elusive Thnith

Of all the things one might expect to see inside an HSC interdimensional suitcase, a thinth is certainly not one of them. The reasons for this are two-fold and as follows:

1. Something does not have a title of ‘elusive’ if one can readily find it at any given moment, the elusive Thinth of the 32nd dimension is, for lack of a better word, elusive.
2. The only time the Thnith will make a journey to our humble yet hospitable third dimension is if peasants in their thatched roof cottages are in dire need of a hero to stop all the burninating.

Why would a creature from the malevolent 32nd dimension come to the aid of a peace loving 3rd dimensional human? I see you have paid attention during these chapters and know that, as a rule of thumb, any creature from the 32nd dimension is evil and ill-tempered, a deadly combination in any situation whether you are floating on a sea of English standard wrenches in the gamma quadrant or if you are hunting for doorknobs with Spinner McBlam (which happens to be one of his favorite pastimes).

Alas, there are exceptions to every rule of thumb. For instance, gravity has recently been discovered to only be a ‘rule of thumb’. The fallout from this discovery has yet to be felt here on earth where we still think gravity is the only thing holding us to the ground (how ignorant we’ve become!).

At any rate, the Thnith is the only benevolent creature in the 32nd dimension so we at QSP would advise not traveling there in the foreseeable future. It is said, by many HSC scientists and other higher thinkers, that the 32nd dimension is in the late stages of a government conspiracy. It is rumored that the 30th and 31st dimensions have formed an alliance with the Thinth and will attempt to wrest control from the vice like grip of the 32nd dimension. What exactly it has in it’s vice like grip is debatable, but we believe that it is something akin to a modernized musket.

While it may be difficult to imagine a dimension having a grip on something, it is actually quite logical. You see, space explorers for many generations have been telling stories in interstellar pubs about the horridness that is The Black Hole. When a dimension decides to grip something, whether is be the 32nd dimensions or the first, it creates a ripple in time, space, and any continuum that happens to be within 247.897 light years of the Gripping Point. These ripples have the uncanny effect of actually tearing the time fabric of our third dimension, creating a black hole.

The Thnith is hoping to prevent this by forming a trilateral government within any hostile dimensions and banning the gripping of anything larger than a small planet (earth is considered a minor-small planet so we are safe for now). Any concerns should be brought up with your local resident Tri-Lateral Committee Formation Representative’s legal secretary.

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