Friday, December 01, 2006

Chapter 31: Industrial Favoritism and Political Indifference

Normally this scientific journal has attempted to remain free from the political shackles that hinder lesser intellects but that time has slipped into the sands of time with a viscosity entirely unlike that which belongs to the aforementioned sands. It has come to our collective attention that a special interest group calling themselves the Industrial Superiority Conglomerate has begun lobbying for the reduction of scientific spending and research. Their position is that we can build a better tomorrow strictly by building better. They are calling for the shutdown of all major scientific research labs. Their picket lines have already caused mass intimidation at the tandem research labs of the Crutchuizen twins. Dr. Slobodan Vilczevski’s study of the synchronous flux of quantum phazons has been summarily halted until this situation remedies itself. To this outrage we must most loquaciously object! Quantum phazons wait for no man! These outbreaks have begun to occur at alarming rates. It is with monumental reluctance that we begin to delve into the political arena. Our protestations are that:

1. A better future cannot be built without first researching what that better future must entail.
2. We, the scientists, are the ones who will research the future to better it.
3. If an alternate community researches what a better future can be built from, they become scientists.
4. Since all scientists have been banned from practicing scientific progress.
5. The new researchers would be suffering the same dilemma currently facing the HSC.
6. And protesting it as we are.
7. See #1.

In the meantime we have invited the authoritative Mr. Iosef Valdini to mediate this atrocity with his singular aplomb. Mr. Valdini’s vast portfolio includes the culmination of the Qwellerian Chip crisis, and the Great Mastication Debate.


Jonny10 said...

I protest.....

You know, in general...

Sort of.....

The whole, thing, er deal....

You know, that is I vehemently protest...!

anothercanadian said...

damn, man. brilliant as always. quantum phazons wait for no man!

my only hope is that you'll continue to put these out!